I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize