Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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