Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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