i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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