great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
