i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
