My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
