It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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