I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
