I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
