booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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