You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
