and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she told me i tasted like america
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
