I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You need a sexual gate keeper
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
