Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize