I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
