Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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