I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
