Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
