Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize