Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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