Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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