The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
