my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
