He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
