I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
