Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
