I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
