Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
