hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
