I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize