she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
