I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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