omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
