I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
