i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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