Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
