Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
