Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Success! We fucked roommates!
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