You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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