Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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