i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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