Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
