Fine. I'll sleep in my office
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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