Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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