yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
