where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
