bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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