can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
