At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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