i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Damn victory sex feels great
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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