god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
