News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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