i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
