it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
