He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
COCAINE IS GR8
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
