i was rollin on her like bob the builder
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
