I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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