I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
