I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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