Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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