the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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