She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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