Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we have officially lost it.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
