Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
