This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
