I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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