Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i will never coherently bang her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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