Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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