The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
