Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
