brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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