Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
